LIGHT BEER (any)
The Shitty Brief is a quintessential festive-season cocktail.
Usually served hurriedly and thrown together at the last-minute, the Shitty Brief is easy to make as there are few ingredients, all of no real value.
Simply fill a glass with the light beer of your choice, then add lemonade. The resulting concoction is murky and puzzling, with the addition of light beer making it a bit vague as to what the actual point of the drink is.
THE SHORT BREAK
Wholly unwanted but for some reason you drew the short straw, the Short Break is bitter and offensive to all senses, usually given to you without warning.
This drink should be followed by a potent chaser to mask the aftertaste of self-pity and disgust experienced following consumption.
Best consumed alone in an artificially illuminated office, the drinker can find consolation in the fact their efforts are much appreciated and that they are a true asset to the team.
THE SALTY EMAIL
150ML GRAPEFRUIT JUICE
COARSE SALT RIM
The Salty Email is a beverage consumed frequently during the busy period. Like the Short Break, the Salty Email is typically undesired and given to you without warning.
Made using minimal ingredients, the Salty Email gets the job done quickly, leaving an unpleasant aftertaste that causes you to reflect on your own shortcomings.
When making one for a colleague, enhance the experience by presenting the drink with the unexplained accompaniment of an upper-management figure to supervise the exchange.
THE UNREALISTIC BUDGET
100ML KRISTOV VODKA (13% ABV)
50ML FRESHLY BREWED NESCAFE GOLD (INSTANT)
50ML NESTLÉ MILO
Want the finest Espresso Martini money can buy but don’t have the ingredients, time or financial capability to produce one? The Unrealistic Budget is your answer.
This delightful beverage is typically prepared on an expectant other’s behalf and while enjoyed year-round is a much-loved Christmas favourite, particularly for agencies.
Combine your Vodka and coffee in a cocktail mixer, then sweeten to taste with Milo, now with added vitamins for a great new taste kiwis will love.
The resulting concoction is not what the recipient had hoped for, but they can rest assured all parties involved tried their best.